I’m fighting the system, and I’m not sure who’s winning.
Receiving state disability. Not enough to pay rent, but maybe enough to save up and make a move towards permanence
Receiving my PTSD diagnosis from a clinician who works for the same organization that caused the trauma
Finally getting my appointment with a neurologist (later this month)
Receiving support from my MD in regards to the trauma I’ve gone through as a direct result of misdiagnosis of my epilepsy, and mental illness stigma over my seizures
Retraumatization with the inept and sadistic health workers in the Emergency Room, and with the mental health assessment I consented to for the PTSD evaluation
Continued seizures and horrible headaches after starting medication
Having to force my partner out of my life, after finally speaking with an advocate at Domestic Violence Services
A post-ictal emotional debriefing with myself.
Since I live alone, I have to find ways to navigate the electric time-space warp they call a “seizure” by myself. It’s similar to guiding yourself through a short acid trip (I would imagine… 😛 )
The seizure itself may have been a secondarily generealized tonic-clonic, Although my level of ictal consciousness indicates it may have been a complex focal with clonic movements instead. It lasted maybe 5 minutes with another 10-15 minutes of laying on the ground saying, “come on, legs! let’s go, legs!” This is the phenomenon known as “Todd’s paralysis,” or post-ictal weakness. If you can, when someone has a seizure, let them be for a good 15-20 minutes because they’re not just tired – they’re actually paralyzed.
I managed to crawl up the stairs and get my camera going about 20 mins later. In this video I talk a little bit about my coping strategies for living alone with epilepsy. Besides counting from 0-60 and back, I start grounding exercises as soon as I feel the electricity dying down. “The dog is white. The cars are parked. The sea is gray. There are two birds.” Etc. It helps me remember where I am and why I’m laying on the ground feeling like a rag doll.
I sure was rolling around in the ol’ yard. I just noticed that piece of grass on my head, haha!
The dysfunction of our current healthcare system is built on
shame, blame, and ignorance.
I refuse to be ashamed.